I was caught up in pornography from the time that I was 10 years old until I was 36. It developed into a massive addiction after I discovered internet-pornography and it consumed most of my free- time.
Instead of satisfying my inmost needs, it drove me into deeper misery, bondage and isolation. When I was 19 years old I decide to give my life back to God and experienced great change in many areas.
Since then I have tried hard to know God better and because of this have experienced much inner-healing. My sexual life though, was always my weak point.
Several things have happened that have helped me to get free.
First of all I realised that things could not go on as they were. The next step was to bring everything out into the open.
When I went public with my addiction to my church leaders and my house group, I was not cured but much of the destructive elements were removed. It was important to look at sexuality in a positive light and to understand what a precious gift it is. The important key for me was to discover that what I had sought in pornography had long since been provided by God.
Pornography only numbed my inner emptiness and the painfully deep need for fulfilment which can so seldom to be found in this life.
When I experienced that only God could satisfy this deep longing and in a way that was more lasting than anything else, I was able to let go of the former things.
Once I had found the “real thing” I was finally free from the destructive “copy”.
Now I am experiencing an incredible upsurge in my quality of life. It is a wonderful present, no longer to be governed by my sexuality but to be able to handle it in a responsible manner.
This is without painful abstention, “cold showers” or self-castration. It is possible with God’s help and a little discipline, to remain free. When God fills our soul we are no longer dependent on useless crutches.
