My sexual drive arose at a very early age and became my comfort and fulfilment
As I was born in 1953 my parents were already divorced. Alcohol and my father’s adultery were the constant companions in our family. A couple of years after my birth my parents stopped having any contact at all – that’s the kind of start my life was off to. I was soon put into different homes for kids. My sexual drive arose at a very early age and became my comfort and fulfilment. I started by myself to buy and collect pornography.
As an adolescent I committed several criminal acts like theft, burglary and fraud and after a nationwide hunt I even landed in the news headlines. Years of different prisons followed and in the 70s a judge told me straight to my face: “If you continue this road, you’re going to spend the rest of your life in prison!”
A true statement.
My decisions were heavily influenced by my addiction to sex. Sex, which at first comforted me, had soon gotten me imprisoned and took on dangerous dimensions which destroyed not only my life, but ruined those of others around me as well. Like with every addiction, mine headed towards self-destruction.
In the middle of this mess I cried out to God for help and he had mercy upon me. I got to know Christians and through their lives and through reading the Bible hope entered my life. At that time I realised that God loved me the way I am. From that point on, a slow healing process started, and though I had several set-backs, it was the only way out of addiction and self-destruction. I learned to understand that I am loved and that God created sexuality to be something beautiful and good that brings joy and fulfilment. Sex only becomes destructive when not lived out in the God-given settings – just like water becomes destructive when overflowing its shore and turning into a flood. At the end of the creation account it says: “God looked at everything he had done and behold it was very good”! (Genesis 1:31). “Everything” includes sexuality.
Today I am happily married since 16 years, father of one daughter and free from addiction. Today sexuality is a beautiful part of my life but no longer controls my decisions.
The revelation of my life is: God grants healing and deliberation from a broken sexuality, because he gives us love and forgiveness through his son Jesus Christ. He says YES to us and to sexuality. For God sexuality never was polluted and dirty. His thoughts were good from the very beginning. Whenever it became messed up, it was the direct result of us neglecting his instructions or simply through abuse of the good he intended for us.
But God’s YES towards us and our sexuality remains a YES.
Konstantin, 53 years.
